StayHealthy2009
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Joined: 27 September 2009
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Posts: 33
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| Posted: 20 October 2009 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
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Canada
A man says to a friend, "My wife is on a three-week diet."
"Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?"
"Two weeks."
Finland
Hannu wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the
hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets
there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night, he e-mails
her but misspells the address and it goes to a recent widow.
The next day, the widow's son finds his mother passed out in front of
her computer. On the screen is this e-mail: "My darling wife, I've just
gotten here and everything's set for your arrival tomorrow. I hope your
trip down here will be as pleasant as mine.
"P.S. It's really hot!"
Germany
Wandering around a fairgrounds, a man enters a fortune-teller's tent
for a laugh. "I see you're the father of two," says the seer, gazing
into her crystal ball.
"Ha! That's what you think," says the man scornfully. "I'm the father of three."
"Ha!" says the fortune-teller. "That's what you think."
Hungary
Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?
Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod, and laptop have.
India
A business executive visits his dear Chinese friend in the hospital.
"Li kai yang qi guan," says the sick man feebly. The executive
desperately wants to help him, but he doesn't speak Mandarin. "Li kai
yang qi guan!" says the patient, as he draws his last breath.
Later that year, the executive is in Shanghai on business when he
finally learns the meaning of Li kai yang qi guan: "Get off my oxygen
tube."
Philippines
Joe, Mike, Mary, and Tom were talking about their dream jobs. "I want
to be a lawyer," Joe began, "so that I can defend my countrymen."
"I want to be a congressman," said Mike, "so I can draft laws to benefit my countrymen."
"I want to be a doctor," said Mary, "so that I can cure my countrymen."
"How about you, Tom? What would you like to be?" asked Joe.
Tom thought a moment and replied, "I'd like to be a countryman."
Romania
Vlad gets pulled over after a high-speed car chase. "I'm going to help
you out," says the police officer. "Give me a good excuse and I won't
write you a ticket."
"Three weeks ago, my wife left me for a cop," Vlad explains. "So when I
saw your car coming, I thought you were trying to bring her back."
Russia
Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
—God
Taiwan
Papa Turtle is telling his son a bedtime story. "Once upon a time, there was a white bunny."
"Aw, c'mon, Dad," says the boy. "That's kid stuff. What about some science fiction?"
"All right. Once upon a time, there was a bunny in outer space …"
"Dad! Make it more grown-up."
"Okay, okay. Promise you won't tell Mom."
"I swear."
"Once upon a time, there was a naked bunny …"
Cheers!
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Healthy Weight Forum : Humour
Topic: Funniest Jokes From Around The World
