StayHealthy2009
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Joined: 27 September 2009
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| Posted: 16 June 2010 at 8:58pm | IP Logged
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10. Putting It Off
Mother and I were discussing our mutual weight
problem one evening, when I challenged her to a contest. If I lost the
most weight in the next month, I wouldn't have to pay her the $6 that I
owed her. If she lost the most weight, I would have to pay up. Anything
for an incentive!
"All right," said Mother happily. "But let's wait two weeks before we
start. There are some things I have to eat first."
-- Irene Lane
9. The Fine Print
Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I
went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I
followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half
for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was
wonderful—we never felt hungry!
But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked
the recipes again. There, in fine print, was "Serves 6."
--
Barbara Currie
8. Hiding the Evidence
A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She'd made her
family's favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they'd eaten
half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut
herself a slice. Then another, and another. By the time she'd polished
off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed.
"What did he say when he found out?" one club member asked.
"He never found out," she said. "I made another cake and ate half."
--
Husain Ali
7. In Good Company
My daughter couldn't muster the willpower to
lose unwanted pounds. One day, watching a svelte friend walking up our
driveway, she lamented, "Linda's so skinny it makes me sick."
"If it bothers you," I suggested gently, "why don't you do something
about it?"
"Good idea, Mom," she replied. Turning to her friend, she called out,
"Hey, Linda, have a piece of chocolate cake."
-- Doris E.
Fletcher
6. Secret Switch
After noticing how trim my husband had become, a
friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet. It was then I shared
my dark secret: "I put our teenage son's shorts in his underwear
drawer."
-- Ruth J. Luhrs
5. Something to Prove
Although I was only a few pounds
overweight, my wife was harping on me to diet. One evening we took a
brisk walk downtown, and I surprised her by jumping over a parking
meter, leapfrog style.
Pleased with myself, I said, "How many fat men do you know who can do
that?"
"One," she retorted.
-- R. T. McLaury
4. Subtle Hint
Although I knew I had put on a few pounds, I
didn't consider myself overweight until the day I decided to clean my
refrigerator. I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in
to wipe the back wall.
While I was in this position, my teenage son came into the kitchen. "Hi,
Mom," he said. "Whatcha doin', having lunch?"
I started my diet that day.
-- Betty Strohm
3. Bland Diet Food
My sisters and I have weight problems and are
always sharing diet tips. One day my oldest sister was showing us a
low-fat cookbook and pointed out a chicken dish she had tried the night
before. Reading the ingredients, I commented, "It looks like it would
taste really bland."
"It did," she replied, "until I added cheese and sour cream."
2. Weight Loss Buddies
My friend Kimberly announced that she had
started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
"Good!" I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting
buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and
get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."
"Great!" she replied. "I'll ride with you."
-- Katina Fisher
1. No More Meat!
The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to
read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the
desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to
eat!' " she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it
for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a
month -- until you loathe it." When the woman finished, she paused,
looked up and said, "Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?"
-- David
Martino
Cheers,
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Healthy Weight Forum : Humour
Topic: Weight Loss Jokes
